The Decade of Children and Parenting...
In 2000 I finally got pregnant. This was after a couple of years of frustration, fertility medication, continued frustration, going off the the fertility medication, seeing a specialist, doing one simple investigative procedure (histosalpingogram - ow!) and then waiting for results. In the *wait time* we finally got pregnant. So in the summer of 2001, after a long non-progressing labour, we had Oliver. A few years later (2004) Gibson came along. So for the bulk of the last decade the having and raising of children has been the most significant thing in my life. Sure, we moved and we bought a store and there's all that theatre stuff, but I would drop all of the other things for the kids in a heartbeat if I had to, so there you have it.
Along with kids came the struggle to figure out parenthood. Mark and I come from very different backgrounds. I won't get into the details, as I am sure almost every set of new parents (and old parents dealing with a new aged kid) have to deal with the challenge of wanting to do things differently. I do not want to replicate my parents necessarily. I am a different person and no matter how good I turned out, my children are different from me and I am trying to find what works best for all of us. It can be easy to fall into the 'this is what my parents did and look how good I turned out' but let's be honest, no one is perfect. Anyhow, suffice it to say, we still argue and struggle with the parenting. I get frustrated with unilateral decisions that Mark sometimes makes in the moment and expects me to back him up. I don't want to undercut his authority, but it is hard when sometimes I don't agree with what he is doing. For the most part he is awesome, but there are stressful times when the plan is spontaneous when he falls back on the techniques of his mother, most of which I do not agree with as they do not suit our eldest child. I know that he thinks I am too lenient, and sometimes I do let things slide, but I am pretty sure I draw the important lines. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this. I know I am not. It's a work in progress and there are many moments I look back on and say 'I wish I did that better'.
The children. The Children. They are different. They say you get the children you can handle. We are blessed with two very high energy boys.
Oliver, our eldest, has always been super high energy. I like to think he 'attacks life' rather than lives it. This year he has mellowed a bit, but the teacher reports anxiety, something I never had to deal with from Ollie. I think he grew into the idea that he is a public person. Prior to this year he never thought about how he was perceived. I guess it is part of his development. He walked early, but talked quite late. We figured he was putting all his energy into gross motor development. A speech delay - easily remedied by a year in Early Ed. Stress for us - did we do something wrong? I don't think so. I always just knew what he wanted, so he never had to ask much. His vocabulary (language) was above average, he just couldn't make the right sounds (helicopter = harro-opper) so his speech was mild-moderate delayed. I knew, even before he started school, that we would be hearing about behavioural issues but that academically and cognitively he would be fine (better than fine). That happened and this year that seems to be getting better. At home he challenges some things - mostly the challenges come around bedtime and have to do with stopping play to go to bed. He doesn't want to. He fights us. This frustrates Mark more than I. I have my line. I can usually redirect Ollie so he doesn't cross it and if he does - that's it. No story, no snuggle, just lights out. Mark's line is a lot easier to cross and he doesn't do as much redirection as I, so Ollie crosses it more when Mark is putting him to bed. I don't know how to fix that. I can't do it every night. Sometimes I need a break and sometimes he needs to be more flexible. It's just bedtime - it's not life or death. Anyhow, I have enjoyed watching Oliver grow up to the 8 1/2 years that he is now. He is funny and musical and smart and can be patient with his brother (like right now) when he chooses to. He is usually very good with younger kids, particularly toddlers, and loves his family. He is a hugger and a snuggler and rarely fibs (and if he does, you know right away or else he tells you in less than 2 minutes because he feels guilty). I sense with him that he fights us when he feels like he has no control over what he can do. That's the way it has to be, so we will keep fighting him on the important things, but I know that the fights will get easier. Like with his homework. The first month was brutal, every day. Now, however, he knows he has to do it so the fight is gone. It's all good.
Next post - Gibson - the Sequel.
Along with kids came the struggle to figure out parenthood. Mark and I come from very different backgrounds. I won't get into the details, as I am sure almost every set of new parents (and old parents dealing with a new aged kid) have to deal with the challenge of wanting to do things differently. I do not want to replicate my parents necessarily. I am a different person and no matter how good I turned out, my children are different from me and I am trying to find what works best for all of us. It can be easy to fall into the 'this is what my parents did and look how good I turned out' but let's be honest, no one is perfect. Anyhow, suffice it to say, we still argue and struggle with the parenting. I get frustrated with unilateral decisions that Mark sometimes makes in the moment and expects me to back him up. I don't want to undercut his authority, but it is hard when sometimes I don't agree with what he is doing. For the most part he is awesome, but there are stressful times when the plan is spontaneous when he falls back on the techniques of his mother, most of which I do not agree with as they do not suit our eldest child. I know that he thinks I am too lenient, and sometimes I do let things slide, but I am pretty sure I draw the important lines. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this. I know I am not. It's a work in progress and there are many moments I look back on and say 'I wish I did that better'.
The children. The Children. They are different. They say you get the children you can handle. We are blessed with two very high energy boys.
Oliver, our eldest, has always been super high energy. I like to think he 'attacks life' rather than lives it. This year he has mellowed a bit, but the teacher reports anxiety, something I never had to deal with from Ollie. I think he grew into the idea that he is a public person. Prior to this year he never thought about how he was perceived. I guess it is part of his development. He walked early, but talked quite late. We figured he was putting all his energy into gross motor development. A speech delay - easily remedied by a year in Early Ed. Stress for us - did we do something wrong? I don't think so. I always just knew what he wanted, so he never had to ask much. His vocabulary (language) was above average, he just couldn't make the right sounds (helicopter = harro-opper) so his speech was mild-moderate delayed. I knew, even before he started school, that we would be hearing about behavioural issues but that academically and cognitively he would be fine (better than fine). That happened and this year that seems to be getting better. At home he challenges some things - mostly the challenges come around bedtime and have to do with stopping play to go to bed. He doesn't want to. He fights us. This frustrates Mark more than I. I have my line. I can usually redirect Ollie so he doesn't cross it and if he does - that's it. No story, no snuggle, just lights out. Mark's line is a lot easier to cross and he doesn't do as much redirection as I, so Ollie crosses it more when Mark is putting him to bed. I don't know how to fix that. I can't do it every night. Sometimes I need a break and sometimes he needs to be more flexible. It's just bedtime - it's not life or death. Anyhow, I have enjoyed watching Oliver grow up to the 8 1/2 years that he is now. He is funny and musical and smart and can be patient with his brother (like right now) when he chooses to. He is usually very good with younger kids, particularly toddlers, and loves his family. He is a hugger and a snuggler and rarely fibs (and if he does, you know right away or else he tells you in less than 2 minutes because he feels guilty). I sense with him that he fights us when he feels like he has no control over what he can do. That's the way it has to be, so we will keep fighting him on the important things, but I know that the fights will get easier. Like with his homework. The first month was brutal, every day. Now, however, he knows he has to do it so the fight is gone. It's all good.
Next post - Gibson - the Sequel.
Comments