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Monday, July 30, 2007

Guilt Sucks

The other day I had my first "green guilt". I was explaining the wonderfulness of the key less entry on one of our vehicles to another Mom at soccer (she had just received a call from her husband who had locked the keys in their van and she was going to have to rescue him as soon as soccer was done). She asked what kind of vehicle it was and I found I was embarrassed (?) to tell her it was a Ford Expedition. I have never felt that way before. We have perfectly legitimate reasons for owning it, primarily due to Mark's height, but I had this moment of "ohmigod, what if she's against SUVs?" and I was reluctant to admit it.

Very strange. Hmmm....

I also felt guilty at the Walterdale Board meeting tonight because I didn't make the clean up this week. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't my fault that I couldn't make it and that one more thing would have killed me this week, but I still felt the guilt. I actively refrained from apologizing, because I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. We have to find a way to get other people to pick up the slack. People want the theatre to be there for when they want to do a show and be on stage, but they don't realize the ongoing maintenance required when you have your own building. Apparently the last show was not the neatest when they left and that added to the frustrations of the few volunteers who came out. But I have to NOT feeling guilty (although I do) because I can't do everything.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dinner with friends...

Thursday night I was fortunate enough to be able to go out with my two best pals. W was up from Calgary and AM came in from Stony and I didn't need to be at rehearsal so we met for a marathon dinner at the Blue Plate Diner (6:00 - 10:00 p.m.). The waiter left before us (ha ha). I have been friends with these 2 for a long time. We met through..... Keyano, of course, but mutual interests, babies, and the freedom to be who we really are with each has strengthened the friendship. I love this friendship, because it is definitely a 3 friend thing, with no one being left out, and yet and I still friends with each of them individually. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing." (yes, girls, those "quotes" are for you). I am also glad because we are all working on keeping the connection despite the fact that all three of us have moved to new places in the last 2 years. Distance and time are hard to overcome, but I thank Facebook and email and the phone and the fact that W's Dad lives in Edmonton and AM will drive in for theatre. It's all good.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Shakespeare set to music...

Went to see Two Gentlemen of Verona tonight. I enjoyed it, although I was very forgiving due to the fact that there were challenges with the whole thing. The sound was an issue. It was better in Act 2, but never perfect. Basically the balance was totally wrong whenever it was a female solo or an ensemble number. The band was TOO LOUD! Other than that the only other major issue I had was that you could tell the "ensemble" was not usually in musicals. They worked hard, but the sopranos were weak (too much alto) and there was just a gap between their skill in the musical form compared to the leads. The songs were fun and we (my friends Vero, Richie and I) debated the balance between Shakespeare and Musical. We felt there should have been more "Musical" less "Shakespeare" to really make it work. Some outstanding work by Chris Bullough, Kevin Corey, Natasha N., and Sheldon Elter. The other female lead had the skills, but not the subtlety to be as good as these four. Funny, funny, funny was Ron Pederson. Oh, and Troy and Julian seemed so out of place in a musical.

Oh! And I noticed, because it was obvious. Not one of the women was overweight or out of shape, but a 1/3 of the men were in less than prime condition. What's that about? Even the "slim" men had odd body shapes, while ALL of the women were slim with nice figures. Double standard! I saw it. It was there (how could you miss it when the women's ensemble were in hot pants!?!).

Monday, July 16, 2007

How Do You Keep It Up?

Finding it very hard to count points this week and last. Was up this past weigh in and the heat has produced this incredible emotional inertia. I know I need to write it down, but I am tired of it. I need some renewal. I need some reward. It is so exhausting to do the work some days.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Getting Ready for Fringe...

I am in a Fringe Show. It is called El Muchacho and it will be playing in the Westbury theatre in the Arts Barns (that's the BIG one - yay!). We have been rehearsing since the beginning of June and it is rolling along. It is fun to be in a show and this is agood time of year for me. I am enjoying the challenge of the music and have been tickled to receive compliments from the cast on what I have done. I do recognize I have a ways to go in the interpretation of the music, but I am on my way. I am excited though, to be in a Fringe show for a number of reasons:

1. I have never done one before. I have volunteered and participated as an audience member at the Fringe and I have always liked the atmosphere there. I have also done Interplay in Fort McMurray and although it is not the long haul of the Fringe, you could easily do 5 shows in 3 days (we will be doing 6 shows in 10 days). In any case, this is something new. I look forward to my "performer" name badge and all that will come my way with it!

2. I like the option of doing theatre in the summer. The winter is busy with school and other obligations and driving in the snow and ice. The summer is hot and it is light outside when I leave the rehearsal space at 10:30 p.m. It also gives focus to the summer which I often lack. Good for me to have a project!

3. This is the important one: The Fringe seems to be a level playing field for productions. Everyone gets reviewed. It doesn't matter if you are professional or community or whatever - Fringe is Fringe. I like that. I have to stop apologizing for not being a "professional". The work is the work and being in a Fringe show demonstrates that. If I do my work, it will show. If I don't --> that too will show on stage! It won't matter that I don't have a BFA or I'm not getting paid. In this town there is so much theatre that the divisions during the "regular season" are very evident. I am sick of sensing that my work is disregarded because of where I choose to do it. I work hard, and that is what should count.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Summer Dazed

Been going to the playground with the kids for the last little while. Oliver has been in City Playground Camps (Soccer, Super Tots and Short Sports) so Gibson and I have mostly hung out at the nearby playgrounds or investigated air-conditioned malls when necessary. One of the boys from Oliver's Kindergarten class is in his soccer camp so they have been having a great time while I visited with the other mom. Tonight we tired a movie but interruptions including a call for help from my brother regarding baby-sitting, an "accident" a la Gibson and Oliver being "scared" of the movie have precipitated an early retreat. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted?

Friday, July 06, 2007

Weigh In Wonderful!

Today I had a great weigh in. I hit two milestones simultaneously. I got my 25 lb token and my 10% key chain. I lost 5.2 lbs this week - thanks tonsillitis!

Now if only we had a good facilitator! I am sick of this leader who obviously has never been "fat" in her life (her lifetime loss was 12 lbs so maybe she wore a size 6 once). She says things that suggest that "fat" people are somehow not as good as "slim" people. I always feel like she is one of those people who judges people based on how they look. She was going on about how in some families everyone is fat and how people blamed genetics but that studies have shown that genetics have nothing to do with it and anyone could be slim if they just worked at it - suggesting that fat people don't do as much work in their life as slim people. It's a lot harder to lose it than it is to gain it and although I do believe that everyone can lose weight if they do certain things, it is also way harder for those who have a more severe weight problem. Inertia is a terrible thing to overcome. I am not worried about me - but her message is somewhat destructive in my mind. I don't even think she gets it. She should be a cheerleader with good suggestions and no judgement, but she certainly doesn't come across that way. I have had too many of these facilitators who have never really struggled with weight. How can they understand someone who comes in with a real weight issues? I don't think they can.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Little Microscopic Bugs...

You gotta hate germs. I do. I know they are a fact of life and all that, but when they crawl into your system for a weekend they can really mess you up. I started feeling a little out of it on Friday night. I thought it might have just been a bit of vocal strain from working on my stuff for El Muchacho, but when I woke up on Saturday I knew I was SICK. Sore throat, headache, achy body, and a general feeling of being "out of it". The worst is not having the opportunity to really get better. WHY? Because it was the long weekend and we were heading off Saturday afternoon to a family reunion for Mark's side of the family. He offered to let me stay home and he would take the boys alone, but I said I would dope myself up and cope. I didn't think it fair to have him set off alone. Anyhow, I endured a regimen of Tylenol and Ibuprofen and I napped when i could and it was all survivable. I felt guilty because I couldn't really mingle much because I wasn't completely present. I am still not better and this bugs me because today I have slept so much and it is not gone. Mark is going to go tot he store to work and he has promised me drugs to make me better. I am hoping this is curable with OTC medication because otherwise I am going to a medicentre tomorrow with Gibson in tow (oh joy!).